100 Days of Poetry: Days 31-35

Awakening

Emerging from dark
Tentative breath, fragile hope
Unexpected peace

Nostalgia

Fresh bread
Hot apple pie
Lilies of the valley
Sudden summer rain on pavement
Inhale

Running

Resistance training after 50 can change your life
Well, isn't that nice!
A few bicep curls and shoulder presses
Add in some single leg squats and bench press
And I will be a new woman!
Never mind that my shoulder has decided to feel its age
Or that exercising indoors quite frankly bores me
I would rather run along the ridge
Zig zag down a steep, curvy trail
Jump over fallen trees
And power up mountains

I remember the thrill of cresting a hill
The conviction that I could run forever
The surge of energy at the end of a long run
The memories plague me as I tire on the smallest of slopes
And watch my friends dash into the distance
While I pant in frustration
And feel my legs refuse to engage

It must be age
Menopause
All in my head
Stress
Adrenal failure
Overtraining
Nutritional gaps
Lack of sleep
Depression
Whatever the name
The fatigue goes on and on
And on
When I cannot go on
My legs slowing
My heart heavy in my chest
The tears flowing in exasperation
The memories taunting me

Winter No More

Today, I sat wrapped in a blanket at my desk and watched snowflakes dart past my window
Just spitting snow, noncommittal and quite pointless, really
Nothing like the magic of snowman snow
I have decided to be done with winter
No more cold wind and grey skies
Switch snowflakes for birdsong
Bring on the sunshine
Peel off layers
Wear sunglasses
Sweat

Prayer

I pray every day
Multiple times
Just awake, I roll onto my side
Pull my knees into the semblance of a kneel
(No doubt, God is a little less than impressed with that bit of laziness)
And pray my way out of bed
A little gratitude
A little "bless me with courage"
Or "please give me energy"
And I'm off

Prayers on the food
Silent, quick
No creativity there
A duty prayer, mostly
Though I like the reminder of being indebted for my daily bread
Appreciate the power of simple gratitude

Family prayers
So often punctuated by giggles
And farts
Bonding over irreverence

Nighttime finds me at my bedside
Truly kneeling this time
Reviewing my day
Perhaps pleading for a child
For understanding
For the ability to love without condition
Sometimes, simply grateful for bedtime
Thrilled to close the curtains on another day
Anxious for a few stolen minutes of reading before sleep claims me

I have never mastered the elegance of prayer
The phrasing that demands attention from the heavens
I cannot imagine that my mutterings matter much to God
But I believe He listens
Occasionally chuckles
Often sighs in exasperation
And always, in some fashion,
Answers
And so,
I pray every day